You can tell me when you are upset when someone takes your toy and we can find a solution.” “You are upset that Billy took your toy and you are hitting him. You can tell me about what is most upsetting about losing your book.” “You are still angry about losing your book and you are kicking your desk. “Wouldn’t it be great if we could eat ice cream every day.”Īccept the child’s feelings even as you stop unacceptable behavior “Wouldn’t it be great if you didn’t need sleep.” “Wouldn’t it be great if you could stay at the amusement park until it closes.” Give the child in fantasy what you can’t give him in reality “Perhaps you feel disappointed because your team lost.” Link the feeling with the situation related to the feeling Use sounds such as “Mmm,” or “Oh” when the child is describing a situation to demonstrate your attention and non-judgmental response “I am wondering if you feel hurt because you were not invited to Jonah’s party.” “Are you feeling hurt because you were not invited to Jonah’s birthday party?” “Are you upset because you did not get a higher grade on your math test?”Īcknowledging the child’s feelings tentatively Identify the child’s feelings and the situation related to the feeling Refrain from interrupting, arguing reasoning or justifyingĮxamples of the use of Reflective Listening.Set aside your own feelings temporarily.Verbally acknowledge the child’s feelings with a word.How do I use the skill of Reflective Listening? Teach the child a vocabulary for articulating how they feel.Reduce a child’s urge to act out because the child feels heard.Teach the child that all feelings are acceptable, even though certain behavior is not.Show that we care about the child’s feelings.Show that it is possible to talk about uncomfortable or complicated feelings.They “feel felt,” giving them a sense of well being that results in stress reduction. Through reflective listening our children know we value their dignity. If we want a child to be a caring human being who respects others, we need to respond to them in respectful, caring ways. What is REFLECTIVE LISTENING ? Reflective listening is a way of providing a caring, nurturing environment for our children. So, what skills do we need as parents to develop these attributes in our children? The most important skill that we need to develop these attributes is called REFLECTIVE LISTENING. Through the development of these attributes children develop self-reliance, motivation and acceptance of others. At the top of the list of attributes that we want our child to have are self-confidence and self-awareness.